Monday, October 08, 2007
It's Brutal
Ugghh.
Do you ever feel so small and petty and evil?
I learn from everyone and I am surrounded by the most annoying people.
My feelings are still so hurt. Fucking hurt.
There are and were walls around me, and I'm willful, I don't listen.
And I miss you like something's been torn out of me, and you're still
my audience in my head. And I don't want to want you. And I hate the circles.
Grow, grow, grow.
There are still so many adventures.
I'm older than 17 now, I'm building in my own small way.
No time for naked swimming and breathless girls.
Aching and scared, I reach for you, still not there.
You took care of me emotionally, when I was sick I couldn't love
(there I meant to write move, but it must be right this way too).
Now I'm sick again, inside.
Dramatic, possibly untrue.
It's unclear.
I hate the way I apologise to you.
I don't feel sorry usually, when I say it, just mad and resentful.
I try to pull you back to a place where you can hear me.
I'm trying to be honest. Brutally honest this time.
I don't have any idea what love is anymore, if I love you, if I ever did,
and if there are any more Love from you left for me now.
You drip from my pores like sweats jettisoned from my skin.
I break into pieces and still managed to be an asshole finding my way back to you.
You may say later that you're hurt again by what I've just posted.
I'm sorry, but I feel that my feelings need to be taken into consideration too.
I truly believe I have been ever so patient and I penned up all my pain and anger.
Yet you keep shutting me out and putting off what I really need to know.
Even for a fact that what used to be keeping you really, really busy lately,
is already over since October 4th, baby.
It kills me inside, knowing that you are being ignorant of what's happening. ):
I quietly doubt there's any justice in all of this.
Somehow, probably due to my weakness, I still could pull it off despite it all.
But it's definitely something, NOT to be proud of.
On a brighter note, it's Omar's Birthday today!
Sue, Rizam, Farhandy, Rabbani, Nabil, Zaki and I had fun staying up till
midnight to sabo Birthday Boy at the park near his house.
Well, Happy 17th Birthday Omar!
Well, eggs mixed with Tuna, flour and then right into the pond?
I think it was one of the best gifts that he had ever received! XD
ready for love at 2:42 AM.